What exactly is gaslighting? Gaslighting is an insidious form of psychological abuse. Meaning that it is done gradually over a long period of time with very harmful effects to the mind of the victim. The goal is to make victims doubt their perceptions and memories. The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from the title of a play called “Gas Light”, where the husband uses mind games and manipulation on his wife to convince her that she is crazy to cover up a crime he has committed. This play depicts the exact purpose of gaslighting. To undermine the mental stability of the victim and take away power and control.
An abuser may use several methods of gaslighting to obtain control over a victim. These techniques are bizarre enough and I am not very good at describing it so I have included information and some mild examples from healthyplace.com below to help with our understanding of this demonic attack on our minds.
Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. Ex. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.”
Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. Ex. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.”
Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. Ex. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.”
Trivializing: the abusive partner makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant. Ex. “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” or “You’re too sensitive.”
Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. Ex. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.”
I was so happy to be able to explain this to myself and really understand what was going on in my own personal situation. The symptoms produced by this mind abuse is absurd and barbaric. I still get angry just thinking about it, because for years I believed that something was wrong with me. The constant denial of events that I knew for sure had occurred and my ex narc would lie or change his answer as if I was crazy. When you trust someone who is narcissistic or psychopathic, you innocently allow this evil person to take full advantage of you with trickery.
The signs of gaslighting includes the following:
Second-guessing oneself, becoming unsure in everything
Feelings of confusion and craziness
Apologizing for never doing anything right
Lack of joy or happiness in life
Withholding information from others due to shame
Trouble making simple decisions
You know something is terribly wrong but you cannot identify the problem
You have a sense that you used to be a different person
I am thankful that we now have a full answer as to how to recognize and stop this behavior in our lives. The effects of this type of manipulation is long lasting and takes some victims years to recover just a little bit of their former selves.
Here are some helpful links for more information on gaslighting.
http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted/
http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/
