It has been two and half years since I've been out of the abusive cyclic relationship. I've been in no contact for 1 year and 10 months straight. Realizing that the "no contact rule" works, starts after you apply it. Yes it is hard at first, especially if you have children. Even though I was totally done with wanting anything from my ex, if I called about our children, I would still receive the third degree of raging. After that, I just finally got a restraining order and he deals directly with the kids himself, which is twice a year (by his own doing). I would be lying if I told you that this journey was not scary, but it is well worth the peace you will experience in the long run.
Defining narcissism is the easy part, it is proving it that is hard. The narcissist is able to charm everyone around them while making you look bad. I have found that time exposes everything. I have learned that each narcissist has a time limit on their charming personality and they disappear when they can no longer hold it up in front of friends and family. In time, I also learned who my real friends are and how to avoid the supporters of the narcissist. It use to bother me when I would hear close friends say that they are not taking sides and they would try to maintain a friendship with both of us. Now I just stay away from those type of people. Here it is that I am telling you someone is hurting me, physically, mentally, and emotionally and you want to remain their friend! It's as if I am lying about the abuse I and my children experienced.
Unfortunately, this is the sad reality of how one can view abuse as a private matter. It is not a private matter when a friend is found dead or beaten to a pulp and it could have been prevented. I still have quite a ways to go in this journey of healing, but I am so glad that I embarked on it.
Remember, survive to be victorious!
