I've been watching the news each day, listening to the top domestic violence case in our great country. When I see these stories it still saddens me. Everyone has an opinion about the situation and we hear phrases of what would of happened "if that was me". I've heard ideas from men and women who have never been in this situation before and they have no clue of what it actually feels like once you have been subjected to it. Some of the comments can be very detrimental to the safety of the victim. Peer pressure has played a huge role in our society and can unfortunately help keep someone in the cycle of abuse.
To get a clear understanding of what goes on in an abusive relationship here is a breakdown of the cycle of violence concept developed by Dr. Lenore Walker in the early 1980s. First is the tension building phase, this feels like walking on eggshells. There is no way to predict what the abuser wants. While there may not be physcial violence, there is emotional abuse, intimidation, and threats. There is also the fear of violence which is often as coercive as violence itself. Second, is the actual violent episode, which includes physical, emotional or sexual abuse. In all cases, a crime is committed. The last phase is called "The Honeymoon", the abuser will try to make up for his violence. They will act sorry, send cards or flowers, buy presents, help around the house, spend time with the kids, go to church, get counseling, or make promises. This phase is never a real "honeymoon". Then the cycle repeats itself all over again and the more times it is repeated, the less time it takes to complete a full cycle.
For myself, it was only after I had done all that I could do, that I realized that this was no longer my issue to deal with. I do realize now, after stepping out of the cycle, that I had a part to play. It had to be my decision to step out of the cycle and never enter it again. It took me a few tries, but thank God Almighty I am free at last!
If you find yourself in this situation, use the contact page and send me an email. I would like to be a source support for you!
